End-of-life gatherings and ceremonies can go by many names. Most commonly, an end-of-life ceremony will be called a “funeral,” a “memorial service,” or a “celebration of life.” All of these terms refer to the ritual of gathering family and friends together after a loved one has died. The purpose of all three of these gathering types is often to remember and honor the person who has passed away. All of these gathering types also allow the loved one’s community to come together to comfort and support each other. Historically, the terms “funeral,” “memorial service,” and “celebration of life” have all had slightly different meanings. In modern times, however, the difference between these types of gatherings is not necessarily clear-cut. Many people use these terms interchangeably. Read on to understand the history of and the differences among these terms.
“Funeral” is the oldest term used to refer to an end-of-life ceremony. This term is most commonly associated with “traditional” end-of-life rituals, with a service that involves the burial of a casket in a cemetery. Funeral is also the term most commonly associated with traditional religious services in the United States, often held in a place of worship and with specific religious rituals. Funerals typically take place very soon after the loved one’s death, because they involve the burial of the body.
Alternatively, the term “memorial service” has historically been used to refer to an end-of-life gathering where the loved one’s body and casket are not present. Sometimes, “memorial service” refers to a gathering that happens after the loved one’s burial has already taken place. It can also refer to the service held for someone who has been cremated. Additionally, “memorial service” can be used to refer to a remembrance held for a loved one at any point after they have passed, not just immediately after their death. For example, some families hold an annual memorial service to honor their loved one every year on the anniversary of their passing.
“Celebration of life” is the newest term used to refer to an end-of-life gathering. Many families use this term when they want to indicate to their guests that the gathering will have a different focus and tone than a traditional funeral. The focus of a celebration of life is often on happy memories, life accomplishments, and the impact the loved one had during their well-lived life. This is distinct from the tone of a funeral, which many think of as having a sad tone and a focus on the loss of their loved one’s life. A celebration of life is often considered to be more upbeat, more joyful, and more celebratory in tone. Some families may even encourage their guests to wear bright, colorful clothing to contribute to an upbeat tone instead of a somber tone.
While the terms “funeral,” “memorial service,” and “celebration of life” have historically held different meanings, today the differences between these types of gatherings are not necessarily clear-cut. Rather, these terms can sometimes be used interchangeably, and often contain many of the same elements. For example, funerals, memorial services, and celebrations of life can all contain music, prayer, scripture, readings, poetry, and personal reflections from family and friends. Additionally, it is never too late to plan one of these types of gatherings after a loved one has died. For example, many families who were not able to hold a funeral, memorial service, or celebration of life during the Covid-19 pandemic are planning these types of gatherings months or even years after a loved one’s passing. Many families choose to gather on dates of significance, such as their loved one’s birthday, anniversary, or anniversary of their loved one’s death.
Another consideration to take into account is that some families hold more than one type of gathering after a loved one dies. There is no rule that says you must choose one type of memorial service or celebration of life over the other. For example, a family may choose to hold a religious funeral service followed by a secular celebration of life. A family may also choose to hold a private funeral service, with only close family members present at the burial, followed by a larger memorial service where extended family, friends, colleagues, and members of the broader community can attend.
What is a Living Funeral?
A “living funeral” is a gathering that takes place before a loved one passes away. The purpose is to allow the person who will soon be passing away to hear all the beautiful memories that their family and friends want to share, and to allow them to say goodbye to the people most important to them. Some individuals and families choose to plan this type of service after someone has been diagnosed with a terminal illness, and they know they are nearing the end of their life. It allows a loved one to reflect back on their fulfilling life, and enjoy the presence of their family, friends, and colleagues.
Checklist to help organize a gathering
When you are considering planning an end-of-life gathering for a loved one, below is a list of things to be prepared to consider. If you are feeling overwhelmed, Lighten is here to guide you every step of the way. We can do the majority of the thinking and the work for you, so that your planning process is as easy as possible and your energy can be focused on your loved ones and your personal mourning process.
- Find a venue for the service.
- Plan a program or order of ceremony, including the specific people who will be speaking or reading.
- Consider how you will invite your guests to the ceremony. Digital invitations can often be helpful in getting information distributed within short timelines.
- Communicate the time, date, location, dress code to your guests in your invitations.
- Write an obituary in remembrance of your loved one’s life. This can be posted online, in your invitation, or in your local newspaper.
- Gather photos of your loved one to display during the ceremony. Photos may be displayed in printed form or may be displayed digitally. Many families choose to create a “memorial slideshow” or “photo montage” set to their loved one’s favorite music.
- Gather other keepsakes to bring to the venue, to enhance your loved one’s presence in your chosen gathering space. These keepsakes may include your loved one’s personal possessions or items from their favorite hobbies, such as sports memorabilia, their favorite cookbook, or a painting they created.
- Gather information about your loved one’s life, accomplishments, and interests to share with those attending.
When deciding how to honor, remember, and celebrate your loved one, there are many factors to take into consideration. The end result is often a combination of the wishes of the person who passed and the wishes of their family members. Whatever type of service you choose, Lighten is here for you every step of the way – from start to finish. If you are looking for assistance planning your loved one’s end-of-life gathering, please contact or call Lighten at 312-373-0847.
